Diaper Bags

I have a problem. I can't stop buying diaper bags. Now before anyone worries, I always take the other one back when I purchase a new one. However, I vow that the one I bought yesterday will be my last. From the very beginning there has been a Kenneth Cole diaper bag that I wanted (it comes with 3 Kenneth Cole Onesies as well as a changing pad and some other stuff). The problem was I couldn't make myself pay that much for a diaper bag. So I kept buying diaper bags and then finding one I liked better. Yesterday my aunt and I were out shopping and I found my Kenneth Cole bag...it was over $30 cheaper than retail price. Needless to say, it has been purchased. I SWEAR THIS IS MY LAST (unless I find a better one).

diaper bag

Topic for tomorrow's post: Why LaShawn has purchased and taken back 5 diaper bags? (Kenneth Cole is involved...should have known)

I wanted to have a lovely post all made up for tonight, but I am wiped out and extremely swollen. Our animals have all been acting very weird the last week or so. I am pretty sure they are sensing it is getting close to baby time. It is just very odd to have 4 animals all of a sudden turn clingy. Especially the dogs. Mojo is a BIG dog (his head comes up past my hip and I am 5'8) & he wants to be in my lap...you do the math. Mama Callie just about clawed me to death this afternoon trying to stay near me and get me to sit down.

Hey Mom, why does Mandy get comments and I don't??? HUH??? I know I talk to you like everyday, but it is no excuse :-)

Mushy

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am insanely mushy about my kids. Pregnancy hormones are just intensifying that for me. I find myself getting teary eyed almost daily about them. Last night we were doing our nighttime reading and Brodie started telling me what each number was by sight. I didn't know he knew that. I had to stop myself from crying. I can't even get into Austin. He is just so big...SO BIG. The picture is of them last night. Austin was doing his homework and Brodie said he needed to do some too. They are just getting so big so fast. I know that they are only 6 and 3 and it seems like they are so little. THEY AREN'T!!! It was just a blink of an eye ago that they were born. I used to hate it when people would tell moms that were having a bad day to remember that it flys by so fast. Boy, I get it now. Even on my worst days, when everything they do drives me nuts, I remind myself that Jason and I are going to turn around one day and all three of our boys are going to be out of the house, married, having babies. While I can't wait for all that lies ahead, I want to keep them little for as long as I can. It reminds me of that country song that says, "Let them be little". Oh so true. They grow up fast enough on their own.

We had our 34 week ultrasound yesterday morning. I would have new pictures to post, but my scanner is once again acting like a retard.

Dr. Zaretsky said that everything looked wonderful. Chase is now 5 lbs 1 oz. I told Jason before we went in that he was 5 lbs. Am I good or what? Moms have a sense of these things. We got to see him breathing amniotic fluid. He does this about once every 30 minutes. It is practice for breathing outside the womb and it is a great sign of brain activity and development. The doctor was able to position the doppler over his mouth and we got to actually hear him breathing. He even colorized the fluid so that we could actually see the fluid going through his nostrils. How cool is that? We have loved getting to see all of these amazing things. Brodie went with us and told the doctor, "I have seen this movie before." Then he announced that we needed to buy this movie. He is a crack up.

The placenta is still low, but Dr. Zaretsky said he did not think it would hinder me from attempting a vaginal birth. My doctor gets last call on that. There is really only about a 40-70% chance that I will be able to deliver vaginally anyway (depending which doctor you talk to). I was so glad that I did attempt it with Brodie, as that labor was extremely fast and so was my recovery compared to the C-section with Austin. More than likely we will allow me to go into labor and just watch. If there is any sign of placental bleeding or any other complication they will immediately take me in for C-section.

Bible

These are two of the passages in my morning reading from this morning. They really apply to me right now as I am having a hard time letting go of some issues that I have no control over. Just wanted to share:

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." - Hebrews 10:36 This one applys because our move to Dallas does not makes sense to some people. Jason and I truly felt like he was called to be here. The more learn about the inner dealing of how he got his job and some of the things that have happened since being here, the more we are sure that this is where God placed us. Sometimes you have to go where God wants you, not where you want to go. (That being said we love it here)

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." - Ephesians 4:31-32 This one speaks for itself. I think every human struggles with forgiveness of those that have wronged you. Some of us have a harder time with it than others. I have a lot more to say on this as this was the topic of bible study on Tuesday. Hopefully I will get to it today sometime.

Boys are up, breakfast time!!! Everyone have wonderful Monday!

baby shower

Today I went to Shana's baby shower!!! For those of you that don't know, Shana and I have known each other since about 1984. She and my brother were "boyfriend & girlfriend" in Kindergarten. Our parents have been friends all these years and she is just such a special person to me. She is due with her second child (her son, Bishop is Brodie's age) in June. My mom and I got Shana some very cute Tech stuff for Baby Shayden. She has to represent!! Sorry about the picture Shana, but you were laughing in it and I thought it was funny :-)

Busy weekend

We had a very busy weekend. Some of the busy-ness was NOT intentional. Saturday morning we woke up and decided to head out to the Allen outlet stores and do some shopping. Hard to keep Jason and I away from Kenneth Cole. We picked up a few things for the baby and for Jason. Austin had a soccer game that afternoon. As you can see from the picture, he is quite the kicker (when it is not moving). After the game we came home and rested for a while. About 4:30 I decided it was time to do the much dreaded grocery shopping. I was walking through the garage and slipped on a puddle of water that I didn't know was there. Needless to say, it doesn't take much to knock someone who is 33 weeks pregnant off her feet. Jason was in the backyard and heard me fall and came running. I caught myself luckily. However, not so lucky for Jason's car. Luckily the Z made it through with no scratches. It felt like I pulled a muscle in my side, but I didn't fall on my stomach and I felt ok. I went ahead and went to the store. About 8:00 that night my stomach started to do some MAJOR cramping. You know the kind that doubles you over in pain? After about 30 minutes of that Jason and I decided it was time to call the doctor. We were pretty sure that I just had a stomach bug, but given that I had fallen we thought it was a good idea. The doctor decided to be cautious and asked me to come in. Nine o'clock last night we were headed to the hospital. The lower picture is of the boys watching a DVD on Jason's laptop in the room in Labor and Delivery. They can be so good sometimes. They ran some blood work, did an ultrasound, put the baby on the monitors for a time and just observed. My blood work came back with elevated white blood cells and the doctor was pretty sure I just had a stomach bug. Of course by the time that they decided it was ok for me to go home the boys were passed out on the couch. We made it home at almost 1 am and got everyone off to bed. We were all exhausted. I am still a little tender in my abdomen today, but otherwise feeling ok. We have our 34 week ultrasound tomorrow morning and are hoping that it shows an improvement in the placenta. I, of course, will be posting pictures if we get more.

Idiot adults

Adults are idiots.... My sister in law, Mandy, got me to thinking about this. Do you remember when you were a child and you thought, "Surely it will get easier when I am an adult"? You know, easier to talk to someone instead of talking ABOUT someone. Somehow it was supposed to be easier to relate to the girl who grew up with everything she ever wanted, but appreciated none of it. It was supposed to get easier to deal with the cute boy who wanted nothing to do with you. Easier to tell people to kiss your ass when you had just had enough of them. Then you grew up.

My mom has very little patience with adults. Go ahead ask her, she will tell you. Perhaps because I am so much like my mom this is where I get it. Adults are petty, idiotic, self-absorbed creatures for the most part. My mom and Mandy are both teachers (all bow down to their feet now....seriously...no I mean it). BOTH work with kids with "issues" we will call it. And yet, all their MAJOR issues at school come from the adults that surround them. How is that possible?

In a day I can deal with spilled cereal all over the carpet, crushed fruit loops in the bed, a child who refuses to blow his nose and insists on rubbing his snot on anything in sight, things being knocked off the grocery shelves, a three year old that thinks he rules the world, a six year old who KNOWS he rules the world, soccer kicks to the ribs, whining, crying, fussing and fighting....AS LONG AS IT COMES FROM MY KIDS! Adults should really know better. However, if you really listen...I mean REALLY listen to day to day life it is adults not the little folks that do the most whining and crying and fussing and fighting. I thought surely all those mean girls from high schools around the world would grow out of it. You know what I found? They just grow up to be mean adults and mean moms. You know, the kind that will kill another mom for her daughter to have a cheerleading spot. It just amazes me that adults can be so idiotic....and yet they are. Shana, I know you know what I am talking about as well. It is universal.

Adults act more like children than children do....no wonder our kids are confused.

Pregger tummy

I thought I would post an "upright" picture of me. The picture I posted of me laying down a few days ago does not do the preggers belly justice. Granted, I am much smaller this pregnancy than I was with my others (tummy wise...we won't get into other areas). I am due in just 7 weeks. Down to the wire. Both the boys ask me everyday, "Mommy is it time to get the baby out?" They are so excited.

tag

I have been tagged by Shana....here goes

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Bookkeeper, Cardinal Van & Storage, 29 Palms, CA
2. Office Manager, Submersible Pump, Lubbock, TX
3. 1 Hour Photo, Sav-On Drug, Las Vegas, NV (hey I was only 18)
4. Mommy...by far the hardest, but the absolute BEST job in the world

Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Mallrats
2. Sense and Sensibility
3. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
4. Austin Powers (yea I am that big of a dork)

Four places I have lived:
1. Childress, TX
2. Las Vegas, NV (Henderson too, but really they are the same)
3. Lubbock, TX
4. 29 Palms, CA

Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Nip/Tuck
2. Scrubs
3. Project Runway
4. Meet the Barkers

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. London
2. Paris
3. Cancun
4. Other locations in Europe

Four websites I visit daily:
1. Blogger
2. Yahoo Mail
3. Various blogs that I read
4. Drudge Report

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Taco Salad, No tomatoes, sour cream and guacamole from Rosa's
2. Chicken Milano from Carinos
3. #7 from Lindo's in Vegas (Enchiladas with tomatillo sauce)
4. Green Chicken Enchiladas from Blue Goose

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. sleeping
2. Cancun...though not pregnant
3. Baby clothes shopping
4. Lubbock, to see my nephew

I am not tagging anyone back since I would probably tag people that have already been tagged. Thanks for all the encouraging emails yesterday. I am in a very good mood today. I went to bible study and that really helped me get my mind in the right place. God is good and he will take care of my situations if I will let him....and I intend to. He brought us to Dallas for a reason and we are starting to see the fruit of that promise. Love you guys!

Difficult people

We have all heard the saying that difficult people are put into our lives for a purpose. Sometimes it is hard to find the purpose for it. Especially when you have no control over how that person entered your life. My question is: Why do people think that the things you do and say on the internet are not going to get back to people? I find it quite funny how people can live in their own little bubble not really KNOWING a person and still pass judgment on them. People get one side of a story and run with it. Hey, I know it is human nature, but it doesn't make it right. Divorce is one of those things that happens in life that can cause major complications. Especially for the party that didn't WANT the divorce in the first place (at least not before exhausting all the options). Then remarriage causes even more. Especially when the "new" person doesn't bother to try to see anything from anyone's point of view but their own. There are people in this world that truly believe that the world revolves around them and live their lives as such. No matter how nice and diplomatic I have tried to be, it just never seems to get easier. Those of you that have read this for a long time (2 years) know that I do not publicly say anything bad about my ex or his new wife. I do this not out of respect for them (as they have given me little reason to respect them) but out of respect for my children. I do not ever wish for them to be a pawn in some twisted game. I have seen too many kids screwed up by selfish parents who want to try to "get back" at the other person. I refuse to do that to my kids. If others choose to not behave in the same respectful manner I guess I have no real control over that. I will just say, I wish that others could act a little more like adults when it comes to issues involving children. Cause really, what good does it do to create more drama? OK off my rant.

Barney

Barney (my mom's dog) and I aren't friends or anything.

Farmers Market

My Mom and Grannie have been in town since Wednesday. Yesterday we headed to Uptown Dallas and went to the Farmer's Market. We loaded up on a ton of fresh fruit.

Mirror Mirror

Ever since I took this picture I have had a song stuck in my head. Most you that read this are probably not familiar with the group Barlow Girl. They have a song called "Mirror" that literally had me in tears the first time I heard it. I posted it back a two years ago or so on my other blog. I thought I would post the lyrics again. I have been down on myself lately, and this song reminds us to stop looking at how the world sees us and start viewing ourselves as OUR FATHER sees us. If you view yourself that way, you can't help but have high self esteem.

"Mirror"

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Have I got it?

'Cause Mirror you've always told me who I am

I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect

So sorry you won't define me

Sorry you don't own me

Who are you to tell me

That I'm less than what I should be?

Who are you? Who are you?

I don't need to listen

To the list of things I should do

I won't try, I won't try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection

I'm looking into the eyes of He who made me

And to Him I have beauty beyond compare

I know He defines me

You don't define me, you don't define me

Speed Demon

Jason took the dogs for a walk last night. The boys decided to go along on their scooters. Brodie got to riding a little too hard and here are the results. This is 24 hours later. The knee was bleeding and oozy...not pretty. Poor Bub.

Spring Break

Well, Austin's Spring Break is officially over. He headed back to school today. We had a good week. Tuesday we went to Uptown Dallas and rode the trolley and had lunch at the Hard Rock. Thursday we went and had a picnic (though we had to eat indoors cause of the wind) and played at the park. Jason's parents were in town Friday, Saturday and Sunday. We went to Cheesecake Factory, Austin's Soccer game, kite flying and shopping. It was a good weekend. You can see all the pictures from Spring Break here. I will be back to better posting tomorrow.

Mirror

Ever stare in the mirror and think, "When did that line appear?". I was having a "quarter life" crisis this morning. All is well again :-)

Soda thief

I had a mystery that I had to solve this morning:

My allergies were HORRIBLE last night. So I woke up feeling really "rough" this morning, for lack of a better word. I got out of bed and got the boys some breakfast. I really wanted a coke (some people have cigarettes, some people have alcohol...I have caffeine). I remembered that I had one from yesterday that I didn't finish sitting in the fridge. It was like the clouds parted and angels were singing the Hallelujah Chorus. I opened the fridge and there were my coke should be.....NOTHING! How could I have been so wrong? I swear I left it there. Maybe I forgot and drank it all. No, I remember seeing it last night when I went to get a glass of water. What happened to my beloved caffeinated beverage???

JASON?!?!?!!

Punk stole my soda. I called him and he fessed up. So I had to make a Sonic run at 8:15 this morning. It was either caffeine for Mom or death for all. Thank God for Sonic.....Love me some Sonic.

If "normal" office hours are 8:30 am until 4:30 pm WHY ARE YOU NOT ANSWERING YOUR PHONE AT 8:40am??? Stupid stuff like this is irritating.

Confession

I have something really important to talk about, but first I must tell you all about my newest love, The Marble Mocha Macchiato, from Starbucks. I don't like white chocolate, but damn if I can't get enough of this drink. Tastes like sophisticated hot chocolate with an uptown twist. Or in my own terms...It is DAMN tasty.

**Brutal honesty on my part here. If I offend anyone, well so be it. This may not all make sense to you and really it doesn't have to. It is more for me**
The bible study that I am currently doing as well as a few things that have been discussed in church recently, has all lead up to a confession of sorts for me. It has gotten me thinking in terms of, "Am I satisfied in my Christian walk?". Now, I think if we are every truly satisfied with our walk then we have just stopped growing. I have heard many people who have been believers and in the church for a long period of time talk about Spiritual Burnout. I have witnessed this burnout in people close to me. I am reaching a point of burnout. Now to clarify, I am not burned out of CHRIST! I truly believe that if you have fallen in love with him, TRULY fallen, than it is a hard thing to ever fall out. However, we all have stumbling blocks that pop up along the way in our faith journey. We all have certain weaknesses as humans and Satan is right there waiting for the opportune moment to exploit those weaknesses. Most of the blame falls solely on our own shoulders. We are fallen people, and we keep falling down.

It is easy in the Christian community when you are having a HIGH season with the Lord to look around and have pity on the poor pitiful saps that are not as holy as you. I see people everyday in the church that look down their noses at those that are not doing things perfectly as Christians. Of course we all know that those higher and mightier Christians are just as sinful as we lowly folk. They just mask it with volunteer work and Christian-ese talk. It is also easy for us to look around during our low seasons with the Lord and see these "Super-Christians" and feel that we are, indeed, less than them. They must somehow love Christ more than us. They have some secret potion that we do not. We forget of course, that they are human and struggle as we do. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others.

I have come to realize that some of my hang-ups and habits are getting worse and not better in the past few months. Realization is an important step, but means nothing without acceptance and repentance. Changing is the MOST important step, not to mention the hardest. Some of my hang-ups may not seem to be a big deal to many. But they are to me. I feel they are holding me back in my relationship with Jesus. As far as I am concerned, that is as big of a deal as you can get. For accountability purposes I feel the need to put these out into the open and see how I feel about others, especially those close to me, knowing my thought process on this. I am only going to discuss one thing at a time. So it may take me a month to get these all out.

Worship: One definition I found (Starting Point Study Bible-NIV) "True worship overflows from our hearts & minds. Our entire lives should reflect our worship."

My life reflects very little of my heart for God. I am so sad about that. The one outward manifestation of this inner conflict that I can think of is how I am at church. My faith background before adulthood consisted of very NON-charismatic church experiences mixed in throughout my life; mostly small town Baptist church and small town Church of Christ. Now, because of my youth and lack of knowledge I missed a lot about these churches. I am not trying to say that these churches were not great churches. I am just saying my worldview of Christianity was somewhat small. Once I became an adult and found myself seeking Christ I realized how very little I actually knew. It was a daunting task for me to set out and find a church home for the first time. I didn't know what exactly I was looking for. I didn't want to be one of those church hoppers that are looking for the church to fulfill their every need. I knew that was not the answer as only Christ can do that. I knew that the stoic churches that I had attended didn't feel right and that I felt pulled in other directions. However, I had inner conflict about this. On the same level that I felt that something was lacking in worship I had been exposed to, I also felt highly uncomfortable around "the freaks". You know the people who raised their hands in church *gasp*. They were just making a spectacle of themselves in my mind. I mean, that wasn't right. Church was supposed to be a very somber place. As I began seeking out a church for myself and my kids I felt the pull to the freaks.

"Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with tambourine and harp." Psalm 149:3

That is not stoic worship. When I walked into my church in Lubbock for the first time I immediately felt something. When the praise and worship music started my hands shot into the air, my heart leapt with joy tears were streaming down my face.

Fast forward to now...my hands are back down by my side. There is no outward show of emotion. This is not my church's fault. There are all kinds of people at my church, the stoics, the over the top charismatic, the altar worshiper...all kinds. I am truly not sure why it is so different for me now. I still want to wave my hands in the air. What is that I am feeling? Embarrassment? WHY???? Why should I be embarrassed about praising the God that has given me life? When I am home alone & I play my P&W music I dance, I sing LOUD, I raise my hands, I cry. Why is it difficult now in church?

I really don't have an answer for you, but I am determined to find the answer and to eliminate that roadblock.

Target Pic

The boys wanted to try on "cool guy" sunglasses in Target yesterday. Such goofs. We had a good day yesterday. Kree and I went to a fabulous consignment sale and got lots of baby clothes and A CRIB (thank you Kree and Bigs for that purchase). It is a GORGEOUS crib. Will post a picture soon. There is talk of possibly having a shower in Lubbock in March sometime. I am sure we will know for sure in a few days. It would be my last chance to come before Chase makes his appearance. I have a really good post (at least it will be about something other than my errands) coming soon. I am working on it, probably have it up by the end of the day. Sorry my posts have been so blah lately. Just so tired most days now; not to mention SWOLLEN.

picture problems

Thank you to those of you that emailed me about my main images not loading. The site where I store my images is currently moving their site over to a new system and are still working out some kinks. If the images are not back up by the end of the day I will move them over to a different FTP space. Thanks guys!