Evolution of a mother...

To be sure I have evolved as a mother over the last 7 1/2 years. It is inevitable that your mothering style changes with the stages that your child goes through, not to mention, as your family grows and you adapt to include more children (and animals in our case). When my first son was born I thought I was so grown up. Truth be told, I was still a kid myself. At 19, I of course thought this mothering business would be a snap. Don't get me wrong. I knew there were challenges, but to a 19 year old it just doesn't register the way it should. Austin, thankfully was an easy baby. I am not sure I could have survived otherwise. For the first 2 years of Austin's life I was very isolated. Raising him virtually alone and 1000 miles away from my family. While it was definitely hard it made me a very confident mom. I knew I could handle anything. I didn't need help, though it would have been nice. Adding the second seemed like second nature to me. With the birth of Brodie I became more whole as a person while other areas of my life shattered. Being a single mom became another lesson in survival. Luckily during my time as a single mom I had my family nearby to help me. I never felt alone or lonely even. I lived each day for my kids and myself and just kept plowing along. I have always been a pretty laid back mom. There have always been bedtimes and rules, but never to the point of militant behavior (my mom was laid back as well, and that was a GOOD lesson for me).

The first BIG evolution in my journey in motherhood came with my remarriage. For the first time EVER I actually had a partner in parenting. I had someone who wanted to be involved in the process every step of the way. Even when it was not convenient for him. This wasn't easy on Jason or me. I had been THE parent for so long that it was hard to let go of that control, even though I craved the help (I still struggle in this area). For Jason, he didn't get to ease into parenting. He didn't get to start in the newborn stage and work his way up. He was thrown into potty training, tantrums, bed wetting, not to mention that my oldest had some abandonment issues we were working through. Two years later it is like Jason has always been in our lives. For a mother there is no better feeling than knowing your children feel secure.

Chase has brought a whole new dimension to my mothering style. While I wouldn't say adding the third was hard, I would say it held challenges I had not realized. Chase immediately fell into our family like he had been here all along. There have been very few times of jealousy with the older two (I expected much more acting out). What surprised me was that I became a bit more protective of my older two. This came from a place I can't even begin to understand. I never feared that Jason would shun or change his treatment of my older two, but you hear about it all the time, so I had my guard up. It never happened. While of course Jason's love of the boys is different than his love for Chase...his LOVE never changed. The boys know that. I have once again relaxed.

This newest evolution is a direct result of my mind wrapping around the fact that in November we will be adding yet another member to our family. As we now edge closer to "those people with all the kids" I realize that I am really NOT like a lot of other moms. I am constantly amazed by how many moms could not tell you their child's favorite color or what their favorite cartoon character is. I am appalled by the mere fact that people don't talk with their kids. So many moms use their children as an accessory. I have from the beginning been the kind of mom that values playing with my kids and learning things with them over making sure that the dishes are done before bed EVERY night. Don't get me wrong. There are days that I would like nothing more than to cart them all off to boarding school and sleep for a month. But luckily, those days are rare. I am not even saying I am a better mom...just different.

I am changing more and more I see too. I read food labels more than I used to. I say things like, "No, you can't have that cereal it has way too much junk in it." I plan to practice baby wearing with the new baby and am sad that I didn't know anything about it with the older three. I have breastfed all my kids, but am sad that I weaned Austin so early. I will make it the whole year with #4. I buy organic fruit if I can. I tease those around me telling them I turning into a hippy, crunchy, granola mom.

I promise to still wear a bra and shave.

Better late then never...

Here is a picture of the curtains that my mom and I made while she was here for the front living room. They are even cuter in person....the camera doesn't pick up on the blue in the fabric. Anywho...there ya go Mom, Kree and Shana. Many more to make.

Much Better...

I am much better now!!! Hopefully whatever it was has now passed and will not return. And now, I can cease with telling you about my nasty gross disease.

Can you believe I am almost 20 weeks pregnant already? I can't! I feel Baby "D" move several times a day and only then does it really hit me. It is crazy!

I have much to say, but no time right now to say it. I just wanted to say thanks to all of you that checked up on me while I was sick. MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH better now!

Superdad to the rescue...

Since Thursday night I have been sick. No, really...I mean SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK! As in doctors wanting samples of my poo sick. Oh sorry, were you eating?

But, we won't get into the details on that.

Jason in awesome Jason fashion took yesterday off to take care of the kids while I went to the doctor and he took care of everything (even cleaned !). Today? Well, my stomach pain comes and goes, so Jason decided to get the boys out the house. I figured they would go to the park for a bit. Nope, not Jason. Jason took ALL THREE boys to the LAKE!!!!!! Alone! He packed a cooler with snacks and stuff to grill at the picnic areas and grabbed the boys' boogie boards and their kites and they have been gone all day. Meanwhile I have been able to moan to myself and sleep the day away.

I am sorry girls, but I got the pick of the litter.

Wondering...

Does anyone else get tired of feeling like you owe people an explanation for decisions and choices you make in your life that have NOTHING to do with them? Maybe this is why in the past 5 years or so I have had a hard time letting people in and making new friends.

Just curious.

Beloved...

I admit that up until a few years ago I knew very little about Ruth Bell Graham. I knew who her husband was, but beyond that I was pretty much clueless. Since 2003, my spiritual journey has lead me to study many different people. Though I know nothing in depth about her, I do a few things about her.

She was a human model for what a godly wife looks like. She supported her husband in a very public, VERY demanding ministry. One of the things that speaks most of WHO she was can be found in listening to her husband and children talk about her. There is such reverence in their voices....such devotion and love. I have several of her books on my wish lists and plan to get to them soon. I love what was quoted today, the day of her passing. She said the following in 1991:

"We look at death from the wrong point of view," she said. "We think of how much we're missing the one going home. We're not looking at it from God's point of view: a child's coming home, and all the excitement in Heaven when one of God's children is coming home."

And now his beloved daughter is home with him. When I get there, I hope we get to chat.

Here...

I am here. Not a whole lot going on. Still getting my barrings in the new area and so far loving it. Had lunch with Shana and Jennifer last week. Mostly I have been hanging out at home with Chase. Austin and Brodie will be home this weekend. My mom is bringing them, Austin is VERY homesick and ready to come home.

That is about it.

Nothing too exciting...I am kind in a blah mood and haven't been near the computer too much. Hopefully I will feel inspired soon.

For those wondering...we have our ultrasound July3rd @ 9:00am. Hopefully Baby "D" will cooperate and show us the goods :-)

School House Rock...

I bet my mom can sing this one....

Hormonal Trappings...

A side effect of being pregnant is often the raging hormones. I have cried no less than 10 times today. It started in Joann's Fabrics when I couldn't make up my mind on fabric for the curtains in the den. Seriously. Another cry fest was when I was going through pictures to develop for Jason's office and decided that I want to go back to blond hair. I BAWLED! WHY?!?!? I mean really. It has continued on from there. I have cried over nothing and silly things. OH, I also cried because my last pair of pre-pregnancy jeans that I could still wear were just a tad too snug this morning. Hello.....I am 16 weeks pregnant with my FOURTH kid. I think I have gotten off good. And yet, I cry. In fact I am crying over how ridiculous I am right now.

Makes ya wanna get pregnant doesn't it?

Someday...

I aspire to be like my mom......40-something (see I am not going to totally tell) and retired!!!!!

Of course I will have just gotten my last child out of the house by then (HOPEFULLY!!!).

Damn Mom, you rock!

Giant Star...

The star on the roof of the Gaylord Texan. I got dizzy taking this picture.

Voyeur...

Jason had a work conference all weekend at the Gaylord Texan Resort. I spent the weekend eating free room service and lounging around. It was wonderful. Kree took Chase Saturday night so that Jason and I could have a night alone. It was wonderful. Saturday afternoon I looked out our balcony and I saw this wedding right below us. I felt like voyeur, but I didn't care...I watched the whole thing. I even teared up...hey, I am pregnant.

Score one for Mom...

Chase doesn't usually fight me on naps, but he did today.

I won.